Over the past couple of weeks I’ve been in a bit of a state of limbo. We’ve made a lot of decisions behind the scenes; about where Steve and I want to live, as well as what direction I want to take my career. So you might have noticed I’ve taken a little bit of time offline to sort my head out and work out what I’m doing. It’s brought on a massive sense of guilt and anxiety that I haven’t posted as regularly, but sometimes it’s better for your mental health to take a step back and analyse what’s going on around you, which hopefully in the end will make my content better too.
So first update is that we’ve decided to move down to Brighton and Hove area. It’s something we’ve been talking about over the last couple of years and we’ve finally decided to rent so we can test out whether it’s actually somewhere we want to live. Consequently for the past few weeks we’ve been glued to rightmove hoping that a pet friendly property will pop up. To be honest, it’s been a bit of a roller coaster, the excitement of moving down to the sea may have initially overshadowed the fact that if you’ve got two dogs you’re going to find it pretty hard to rent somewhere. Especially if you’re looking for a certain aesthetic, as well as a garden for the dogs. After this initial excitement and disappointment, we’ve come to the conclusion it’s going to be a work in progress and something that we check on the daily, but something we’re going to have to wait for too. So at the moment we’re holding onto that saying, ‘Good things come to those who wait’.
With all the anxiousness built up from the move and deciding what I want to do career-wise, without realising has put me into a bit of weird place mentally. I only noticed this a couple of weeks ago when we were up in London for our friend Ben’s photography exhibition in Shoreditch. (On a side note you should definitely check out Ben’s photography, as he’s one of the most talented photographers I’ve met). We went for drinks at a bar down the road from the exhibition to celebrate and one of the guys who worked for the gallery was chatting to Steve and asking what he did for a living. Steve reeled off all of the things he’s done over the last few years: Mission Selfie, his photography etc which obviously is a very impressive list. The guy who I wasn’t paying much attention to then turned to me and asked what I did; my response was probably the worst response I could have given. I said, ‘I do the same as Steve but on a lower level’, his response that followed actually shocked me, he mocked my reply (with good reason I guess) and said ‘You might as well have said you’re constantly 11 steps behind your husband’. I was shocked and embarrassed but I think I needed that response. It was a bit of a wake up call to actually stop comparing myself to Steve’s (and other people’s) achievements and start acknowledging my own.
I recently applied for a full time job and after spending a long time laying out all the things I’d done over the last couple of years, realised I’d done a lot more than I give myself credit for. I’m not a boastful person, if there’s a way of detracting attention off myself onto other people I’m more than happy to do so, but I have realised that I need to take more pride in what I do and what I’ve done over the last couple of years. One of my favourite things to do in the evenings is to immerse myself in Pinterest, to me it’s almost what Instagram used to be before the algorithm changed, it’s a place of curated imagery and the boards I’ve created on there are these little pockets of inspiration. A quote that keeps coming up is one that has rung true to me recently, ‘Everyone grows at different rates’ and in a time where Instagram shows everyone living their best life it’s hard to not compare yourself to the constant stream of that ‘curated life’.
One of my favourite bloggers Liv Purvis, recently started a page called The Insecure Girls Club, an Instagram page dedicated to showing the other side to women on the internet, in terms of how they deal with their insecurities and sharing things they wouldn’t necessarily share on their own feeds. I think it’s time to encourage people to share the more human side of their lives too, the side that isn’t a pretty picture but one that people can also relate to and that’s what I aim to do. Instead of curating my life to look like I’m always living my best, I hope to share more of what makes me happy and sad to demonstrate that you can’t live your best life all the time.
I recently spoke about how I was feeling in my Sunday Favourites; every Sunday I share the things that have made me happy that week, from an event with friends to a tv show or podcast. It’s a focus on the little things that can pick your week up compared to always focussing on big life events to make you happy. However last week I shared something about the truth behind my little Instagram hiatus. I shared how I was feeling a little lost with my content and what to post. The messages I received in response were some of the nicest; one of them was a piece of advice that I wanted to share: ‘ (You’ve) Just gotta keep doing what you love and remember there will be people out there who will love it too’ and I think that’s true, if you’re passionate about something it will come through in what you do and there will always be someone out there who will relate to it.
The thing I love about Instagram more than anything is the connections that are created within it. If someone takes the time to send you a message, it’s so nice to connect with someone who has a different perspective/experience to you, but also to find someone who can relate to how you’re feeling too. If you’re feeling anxious about your career or about where you are in life, I hope this post is a reminder that 9 times out of 10 most people don’t have it all figured out just yet, keep searching for the little things that make you happy and the rest should follow.